We are accustomed to swallowing our wants/needs

Women especially are raised to be extremely sensitive to others we feel permeable; we are so accustomed to swallowing our wants before they even reach consciusness that a bewildering, uneasy passivity often persist in us. At worst, we even resent our own feelings. We experience them as intrusive. It is as if the emotional part of ourselves is a stubborn, fleshy, disruptive and even aggressive appendage (aggressive because it causes such wrenching disharmonies between ourselves and those we love), and we resent it so intensely that we half wish to amputate it, to carve it out of ourselves and toss it in the garbage, this lump of self like an inflamed tonsil or hermaphroditic, mistaken penis – half wish to amputate it even though it is the very thing that keeps us from dissolving – and half wish to annihilate the Other, the beloved, who has made such an enemy our of what we know to be most absolutely essential to our self, and without which no true pleasure, no true anything is possible.

~Bonnie Friedman in Writing Past Dark

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