Cultivate your life

I’m no gardener by any stretch of the imagination, but I am fascinated with the similarities between a garden and our lives. While we could put the smallest gardening effort on hold without any serious consequences, there’s no way we can put off taking care of our lives and not experience the backlash. So, like a conscientious gardener we need to cultivate our lives to reap the best fruits and enjoy the beauty.

Rainy days may keep you from heading outside with straw hat and gardening tools. But they are the perfect days to sit inside and do some work on your life. So grab your favourite drink and snack, curl up with your journaling tools and cultivate your life.

Weed

Sometimes it seems they pop up overnight. Unlike some plants that struggle to survive, lose the battle, shrivel and die, garden weeds are indomitable. They anchor themselves in any kind of soil and withstand extreme weather conditions.

Life weeds such as feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities at home and at work, financial problems, difficult relationships, health concerns and so on, rear their ugly heads and choke the good and positive things in our lives.

Some life weeds have tap roots; they burrow straight down and deep. They pierce and break our hearts. Others with fibrous roots fan out and filter through the network of our lives infecting and poisoning all that is good and positive.

They create havoc in every situation and relationship, turning our lives upside down and inside out. They loom above other minor life weeds and force us to set aside legitimate concerns so we can cater to their demands for our undivided attention.

Life weeds sprout and flourish anywhere. They cling to us like parasites. They suck us dry and leave us listless and passive in our own lives.

With a discerning eye and a prayerful heart identify the weeds that are flourishing, clogging your life pores, complicating your relationships and smothering your dreams. Don’t deal only with what is on the surface. Dig to the roots of the weeds in your life and get rid of them to allow the free entry and flow of all that is good and beautiful.

Water

We know of course that too much water can drown even moisture-loving plants. So we are often advised to water our gardens regularly with a moderate supply to keep the soil moist and the plants healthy and alive.

When we get lost in the rush of daily living, it is easy to allow our personal lives to languish in the neglect caused by whatever turmoil may be commanding our attention or the heat of busyness and burnout.

It is honourable that we take care of our responsibilities to our families, our jobs and other areas as well. However, when we don’t pay attention to our personal lives: health, leisure activities, our dreams and other personal interests, we are delinquent gardeners of the lives we’ve been given.

We water our lives when we take time to nurture ourselves with quiet time to pray, meditate, read, plan, dream and lose ourselves in the activities that we enjoy.

Are you drowning your life with too much of a good thing or killing your life slowly by leaving it to languish, dehydrated and starved of crucial life-saving nutrients?

Wait

A well-cultivated garden does not materialize overnight. It takes time so we must be patient. Once you have done your part you need to step back and wait for the seeds to germinate.

Are you anxiously pacing the floor in anticipation of some outcome? It won’t arrive any sooner because your heart beats faster, your palms sweat, you don’t sleep and can’t function normally.

Waiting is not as tough as we make it out to be. See the waiting period as an opportunity to prepare, to pray, to practice a little self-pampering, to revel in quality time with your loved ones, etc.

Wonder

When was the last time you basked in the wonder of your garden? Don’t say that you have only a small garden and a lone lime tree. Whatever stage your garden may be in today, take a moment to appreciate it, just as it is and wonder at its possibilities.

When last did you stand in wonder at your life? Of course these days, many would be quick to shout, “Wonder at what? Things are so bad I just want to crawl under a rock and not come out until 2020.”

Is there not one small aspect of your life that you can appreciate? Are there no blessings? Do you have no one who makes you happy, makes your heart sing, and makes your life better, brighter and worthwhile?

Have you been enjoying fruits of your labour? Did you talk to a friend, receive a smile or kind word from a co-worker, a fellow commuter or a stranger today? Did your children kiss you goodbye before they left for school? Those are things to wonder at, to appreciate.

Don’t take your life for granted. Don’t neglect it either. Luckily, you don’t have to wait for a sunny day to do some gardening in your own life. With the discerning eye of the careful gardener, rid your life of the weeds that are running rampant, water regularly with time for the things you enjoy and the people your love. Wait patiently for new growth of opportunities and wonder at the blessings that abound.

Be a diligent gardener and cultivate a purposeful, productive and happy life.

Fear can be a useful enemy

Despite my belief and insistence that we can and should rise above our fears, I don’t advocate a reckless approach to doing so. Instead, I believe that we should tackle our fears with the kind of careful thought that goes into understanding and accomplishing any other project.

Our fears hold us captive and inhibits our ability to transition from the negativity of the past to the joyful appreciation of the present and then to entertain realistic expectations for the future. To combat that, we should face our fears head on, do battle with them if we must, salvage whatever positive value we can and get on with the business of living a meaningful and productive life. But when fear continues to stand as a seemingly impenetrable wall, keeping us stuck in an “I can’t” cycle, we have to find new ways of breaking through and moving ahead. In our zeal to rid our lives of our fears, we must be careful to not “throw the baby out with the bath water.”

If you agree that fear is our enemy, would you also agree that even an enemy can be useful?

Here is how:

Fear establishes our weaknesses.

We are no good to ourselves and our dreams if we don’t recognize and acknowledge our weaknesses. For, it is there, sitting in the company of our actual or perceived inadequacies, past failures and other life experiences that we can grapple with our weaknesses.

Walk through your fears. Trace where they began and how they have progressed and intensified. Pinpoint the areas in your life where they have wreaked the most havoc and crippled your development. That is where you will find your weakness.

Let’s say, for instance, your fear of exams have kept you away from further study, taking specialized classes to satisfy an interest in a hobby or a small business idea. Where did that fear originate? Could it be from failure or only mediocre scores in previous exams? Maybe your fear stems from an inability to fill out application forms, comprehend exam questions or an inability to read at a certain level? Reading and comprehension might be your weakness. But that is not the end of the story; it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to settle for a life of dreaming about goals that never see the light of day because you are fearful.

Use your weakness as a springboard to plan an escape route and launch an attempt to take at least one small definitive action that will help you extricate yourself from the strangle hold your fear has on you.

Let your fears serve as a springboard from which to launch out on a new adventure or re-launch an old attempt.

Fear enhances our strengths.

It may sound like a cliché, but it is true; trials build character and make us strong. The problem is that instead of acting on our strengths we surrender to our fears and allow them to control and dictate our lives.

You probably think that your life or one aspect of your life, like your education, your career or relationship has been ruined by some past experience. And you live in fear that a similar situation waits around the corner. So you remain cloistered in your self-imposed cocooned, never venturing beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone.

Have you ever stopped to consider that you have survived and may even triumphed over the experiences that brought you to this point? What strengths did you discover dormant within you? What character traits were you forced to develop in order to deal with the situation, maintain your sanity, and carry on with your life?

Fear elevates our potential.

Being fearful doesn’t mean that we don’t think about goals we’d like to accomplish or dreams we’d love to pursue and achieve. Ideas, goals and dreams run parallel to our fears. On one hand, we lament the fact that we are afraid to take a chance, step out of our safe places and take risks, even small ones. Then on the other hand, deep in our hearts there is the longing for the mildest courage to step out from behind our fears and forge forward with confidence.

Dare to look beyond fear’s deceptive whisper, “You can’t.” What do you want – education, mortgage, job, travel, marriage and family? The longer you sit with your fears, the more impossible your dreams seem, but that doesn’t alter your potential to achieve them.

So when fear says, “No, you can’t,” look beyond its limiting borders and declare that you will try; you will give it your best shot.

Fear equips us with tools to move forward.

Every task or project requires tools for it to be accomplished efficiently and successfully. These are just three of the tools that fear provides.

(1) * Insight to understand problems from the inside out as opposed to dealing with semantics, feelings or personalities.

(2) * Perspective to see the whole picture and not just the individual aspects of difficult situations.

(3) * A voice to defend ourselves and our dreams when confronted by human or situational obstacles.

Don’t underestimate fear. It is a formidable enemy able to defeat our best intentions and thwart our most inspired and determined efforts. But when you launch an expedition to excavate its usefulness, you can walk away with life-altering tools, aware of your weaknesses, confident in your strengths and excited to explore your potential.

What useful purpose do your fears serve?

Revamp your enthusiasm in three steps

Routines help to keep us organized, focused and driven. Without them, our lives would be chaotic and unproductive. Nothing is wrong with creating routines for living and working. Yet those same daily routines turn around and slap us in the face. And when they do, we could find ourselves sliding down the despair chute so fast, that we lose our enthusiasm. And, when our enthusiasm runs low, our productivity levels suffer. Then instead of finding ways to recharge our enthusiasm, we despair and surrender to the overpowering feelings of frustration. Depression is likely to set in and keep us in a dark hole.

I’m a stickler for routines myself. I set my own and follow them religiously. Although they help me stay on track with my responsibilities and meet my commitments, every now and then, I get bogged down and overwhelmed with my slavish adherence to them. That is when I slowly lose my enthusiasm not just for my work but for the other activities that I enjoy. Forcing myself back doesn’t always work, but a step-by-step process as I describe below usually does.

Are you looking for a way to recharge your flagging enthusiasm and slip back into the rhythm that helps you to manage all your responsibilities?

These three steps will help you to whip your enthusiasm back into shape.

Revamp yourself

Contrary to what you might believe, while you are in limbo and not functioning at your optimum level of enthusiasm, you are not really resting. Rather, you might be working yourself to a frazzle and growing mentally exhausted, trying to determine what is wrong. In that state, you also struggle with a sense of guilt for not giving your best to your usual tasks. These feelings easily overwhelm you and if not checked and remedied, could send you into a state of depression.

To get back to your former energetic, enthusiastic and high-efficiency self, start by taking some time out.

A short vacation particularly alone is the ideal way to recharge your batteries and prime your mind for the climb back to the place you want to be. Most times work and family responsibilities are not designed to give you the kind of time you need. But you can still slowly and steadily get the kind of rest that is necessary if you make good use of whatever time you can salvage out of your busy life.

A few moments here and there in the midst of a tight work day, a home renovation, packing to move, tending to a baby or running after toddlers, if used wisely can add up to enough time to pull yourself together, refocus on your goals, commune with God, pamper yourself a little and get a fresh perspective on the circumstances that might be playing out in your life right now.

Rested, you will be in a better position to tighten your bootstraps, straighten your shoulders and enthusiastically return to your daily routine with the kind of vivacity you once had.

Revamp your space

No matter how much you may insist that you can work in the midst of clutter, eventually, it gets to you. And when the external clutter translates into mental clutter, your life and your enthusiasm goes awry.

Clean up your surroundings. Re-organize your storage systems and practice returning things to their designated space after you use them. Try it first with one shelf, one corner, a desktop, countertop or dining table. You might even be inspired to work your re-organizing and decorating magic throughout the house, room by room. Give your desk at work a personal touch with a photo of your family, pet or best friend. A photograph from your last vacation or one of the location you dream of visiting will help to ease work-day stress. If you don’t believe you can pull off this step, ask a co-worker to help you.

The smallest revamp to any space equals a major overhaul of your outlook on life. Try it. Start small and notice the difference.

Revamp your priorities

If you simply jump right back into the fray, you could soon find your renewed energy and revamped enthusiasm plummeting again. To avoid that, prioritize your duties and other projects at home and at work.

If there are chores and other responsibilities that have been lagging, sort through them and assign them a place on your To Do list to reflect how urgent they are. Once your priority list is complete, review it and make changes if you wish. As you work your way down, ticking off the ones you complete, rearrange the order of the remaining tasks or add new ones that are bound to come up.

Ordinarily, when you lose your enthusiasm, people may tell you to snap out of it, get up and get cracking. But our enthusiasm declines slowly and a slow but steady process will ensure that it rises again and sets you up to resume your home and work responsibilities with the kind of vivacity you once had. Revamp your enthusiasm with rest first, de-clutter and organize your home and work space and draft a priority list to accommodate all the tasks and commitments that make up your life.

Silence your negative inner voices

Lately I’ve been thinking about voices. You know the ones – the voices in our heads. Sometimes they serve us well. They speak the truths we need to hear and bring to our minds, pleasant thoughts and memories to encourage us at just the right moment. They shout warnings to steer us away from danger and help us to make wise decisions.

But those same voices have a dark side and from there they speak lies. They hammer discouraging messages that limit our progress and keep us stuck. Their veiled deceptions chip away and eventually erode our continued efforts to live lives true to ourselves, our beliefs and our passions. Sadly, we believe the negative stories our inner voices tell us, even when the stories run cross-grain to who we really are and the consequences of that reality.

I confess that although it doesn’t happen as often as it did before, I still fall victim to the negativity from my inner voices. The words they speak throw a heavy, dark, cold, wet blanket on my most ambitious goals. They keep me in a negative state of mind even when I am knee-deep in some positive circumstance and staring success in the face in one area or another. When I make the mistake and listen, I open the door for their negative messages to engulf me until positive realities loom as negative experiences.

When our inner voices are dripping with the negative stories that make us fearful even in the arena where we are most capable, we must silence them. Each of us can devise our own ways to do this, and I share four below that I continue to use to minimize the effect my negative inner voices have on me.

Reveal your true identity.

If you listen to the negative voices in your head for too long, the real you becomes a distant memory. You may have to dig deep or travel backwards to recover your true identity and resume the life you should be living.

Your most significant self-recovery will be found in your spiritual beliefs. From there you can assess the history of the negative stories in your head and adjust them to ensure that they no longer define you.

Raise your true voice.

Refuse to cower in silence while your negative voices rant and rave and spew all manner of falsehood and limiting statements. Your true voice can talk you into stepping out and walking away from the negativity that is keeping you stuck.

Speak to God. After prayer, you will experience a renewed connection to God, a fresh outlook on life, a sprout in your confidence, and a calm facade that mirrors the peace in your soul.

Speak positively to yourself. Our self-confidence plummets the longer we listen in silence to our negative inner voices. Fight negativity with positive self-talk. Speak aloud your accomplishments, your strengths, your blessings and your gratitude. Your increasing confidence will weaken the hold your negative inner voices have on you.

Speak positively to others. Your self-assured voice of reason, experience and enthusiasm will lift the spirits of other discouraged souls. By all means share your own struggles but always follow with lessons you have learned and advice they can adopt to work their way through their own troubles.

Speak up and speak out. Whether it is for your own benefit or a cause close to your heart, resist those inner voices that insist you have no right to speak. Start with one person at a time and share your conviction with confidence and passion.

Reassess your goals.

Very often our negative voices fool us into believing that a person or a particular circumstance is keeping us stuck. They bombard us with debilitating thoughts that we don’t have what it takes to accomplish some of our goals and achieve our long-held dreams.

Is this your experience? Have your negative inner voices been clouding your vision and casting a dark shadow over a path you want to take? Have they been blinding you to obvious possibilities? Have your inner voices convinced you that personal and profession success can never be yours?

Unless your goals are clear, the way there will be cloudy, uncertain and frightening. Re-affirm your dreams. Re-list the goals you’ve been hoodwinked into postponing. Re-think the steps you need to take to make them a reality.

Rouse your passion.

Time and again I see how the lack of passion for something or some endeavour keeps some people in a negative and unmotivated state. Their negative inner voices reign supreme, sending them deeper and deeper into the dark pit of fear, doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

When the flame of your passion for life, your work or your dream dims, flickers and threatens to go out, stir it up again. Fan its dying flames with a mental picture of your dream realized. Imagine clasping it in your hands and doing the victory dance. Rouse your passion and watch the weakening embers glow again.

Don’t wait until your negative inner voices begin to shout their destructive lies. As soon you hear the faintest whisper, silence them and their negative messages with the tactics I shared above. It doesn’t take long to stabilize your fearful heart with prayer, acknowledge who you are, speak some positive words, take a quick glance at your goals and awaken your enthusiasm for life, your work and your dreams.

Silence your negative inner voices and let positive messages speak out loud and clear.

4 Pre-requistes for creating a personal retreat

In order to find sanity in this hectic world we must carve out a space for a peaceful personal haven. I know. You have small rooms, in a small house on a small lot. But let’s not start from the standpoint of what seems impossible. With gratitude for what you do have, a positive attitude and a willingness to stretch your creative muscles, your small space can yield a relaxing and nurturing retreat.

So, before you baulk at the idea, take a moment to ensure that you understand these four pre-requisites which will help to make the retreat experience as beneficial as it can be.

You deserve it.

People can talk until they are blue in the face, but you have to believe that you deserve some time in a special place to nurture yourself before you can embark on setting up and committing to a personal retreat.

Day in and day out, year after year, whatever the weather, however miserable you feel with the flu or any number of life’s discomforts, you get up each morning and put your hand to the wheel of your responsibilities.

That alone is enough to warrant regular peaceful times to step away from the rush and give yourself over to the nurturing of your body, your mind and your spirit. It is in that place, your personal haven that you enrich yourself to give your best in other areas of your life, and you deserve that.

You need it.

Are you willing to dispel the “super woman” myth and own up to the fact that you a human being with limitations? That is a start.

You see, your mind, your body and your spirit have their own signals to let you know that your nearing or have reached your time and energy limits. Your mind may slip into overdrive, taking you on a wild ride with disjointed and lost thoughts and blank moments. Your motor skills lose their usual speed, your muscles grow weary, your joints hurt and stress headaches are a daily feature. Plus, when your spirit no longer responds to inspiration, your hand slips out of God’s hand and prayer vanishes from your days, you know you need to slow down or stop completely. You know that you are at the end of your mental, physical and spiritual rope and you need to flee to a quiet place, your personal retreat to give yourself some time and attention and ready yourself to resume the normal run of your daily life.

It is very common for people, especially women, to ignore these signals. Don’t be like one of them. Don’t ignore the signs that signal you need time in your personal space.

How you will use it.

To some people, a retreat represents time away from home and people, a spa experience, even if only for exterior pampering. To others it may mean a day at the beach with family and friends, a few hours at the mall, shopping and watching a movie. Then there those who would give just about anything for just half an hour, reading or writing in bed, in their favorite chair, on the porch, lounging in a hammock in the garage, puttering in their garden, and so on.

How you choose to use your retreat is entirely up to you. After all it is your space and your time. You have your own needs, your own dreams, your own preference.

However you use your personal retreat make sure that you expand your mind, relax and rejuvenate your body, resuscitate your spirit. Bask in the possibilities of your dreams, explore your creativity.

Make sure too, that when you leave your personal space, you are fully refreshed and re-energized and back on track with the things and people that are important to you.

When you will begin.

Even if you don’t have all the elements immediately available to set up your ideal personal retreat, you should schedule the first session as soon as possible. Don’t wait for the perfect time; it may never come on its own. You have to take responsibility for spending time there. Take the initiative; set aside the time and use it as you planned.

One of the similarities of our lives is that our days are hectic and full of responsibilities beyond our time and energy supplies. Yet, each of our lifestyles is different and that dictates the time we have or the time we can allot to the enjoyment of our personal retreats.

After surveying all the demands that clamor for your attention, find your ideal time. It may mean re-prioritizing your duties to give your retreat time a more prominent position on your To Do list. Or you might have to take more drastic action and remove some of the commitments that eat up every spare moment you have.

Identify a date, write it down and begin.

You make time for others. You fit them in even when you don’t have time. Give yourself the same attention. You don’t say “No” to people. Don’t continue to say “No” to yourself. Are you prepared for a personal retreat? If you know the four facts outlined above, you are indeed ready. Whatever it takes, make the sacrifices and the compromise, set aside the time and prepare to reap the benefits of your personal retreat.