Life: it’s all in the details

The saying, “God is in the details,” is often attributed to the architect Le Corbusier. Other creative souls also use it when speaking about the intricacies of their work. On the flip side, some say, “The devil is in the details” to imply that the details might cause or result in failure or some other negative outcome. Then there is the school of thought, “love is in the details.” However we look at it, it’s the details, the little things, the extras, that make the commonplace, special.

You know what a big difference it makes to our spouses, parents, children or friends, when we do just one small special thing for them? Details can change moods and attitudes, put smiles on faces and lighten burdens. When we take time to add details in our own daily routines, we enhance the quality of our life and make each day at home and at work special.

But how often do we do the little things that count to our own benefit? When last did we add one thing extra to put a little sunshine in our day, make our jobs easier or lighten the burdens we bear? Little things count for us too. We should take the initiative and add some details to the simplest task or the normal everyday run of household chores or workplace duties. Even the unconscious natural human life habits such as sleeping, waking, dressing and eating for instance can be meaningful. We need only to give the process significance by infusing it with some carefully thought-out details. Here are some suggestions.

Details at home.

Housekeeping can be a thankless job. When you have children and must also juggle a fulltime job outside the home, well, you could be talking about overtime work with no overtime pay. It is an endless round of the same set of almost daily chores. And you can quickly find yourself moving through them like a robot.

Meal preparation is one area where you can add simple details to make it less of a chore and more of a pleasure. Clean the kitchen and assemble the ingredients and utensils. Half of the problem with cooking is our tendency to want to rush through it. Get a handle on that tendency by taking a shower first. Pour yourself a refreshing drink and keep a nutritious snack nearby to nibble on while you cook. Slip in your favorite CD, put on an apron for a change and start cooking.

I’ve found that when I approach cooking like they do on the Food Network, it is enjoyable and I can actually smile through the process. For instance, no more walking back and forth, I assemble everything I need before hand. Sometimes, I even talk my way through the preparation. And, if you hear, “Bam!” or “Oh yeah babe! ” that’s me imitating Emeril Lagasse.

Details at work.

Just thinking about having to get up long before the crack of dawn is enough to make you bury your head in the pillow and wish for the night to last a few days. But since it will never happen, you might as well get up and go. Just be sure to add some special personal details to your day to keep frustration and overwhelm at bay.

These details were some of my favorite and really helped to keep me focused on my dreams. Try to reach the office at least half an hour before opening hours to have some time alone for breakfast or to sit awhile, just you, God and a cup of coffee perhaps. Make sure there are clear reminders on your desk of the people you cherish and the goals you aspire to achieve some day. Such details help set you up right for the day ahead and to smoothen out the usual kinks that always crop up.

Details for yourself.

Adding and tending to details in our personal routines raises our awareness of how much little things matter in the midst of the big picture of life. It doesn’t take a lot of money or a great deal of time, so why not start today.

After a hectic day, you’re almost always wiped out by bedtime. Nevertheless, this part of your daily cycle can be more relaxing when filled with little details. Don’t settle for dropping into bed like a battered log when you just can’t do any more. Schedule a set time to sleep, give or take 30 minutes or so. Then, before you throw your tired bones on the bed, engage in a little personal night-time details. Even if you don’t wear makeup, treat your face to the recommended cleansing regime of cleaning, toning and moisturizing. It may seem like just another “to- do” you could do without, but it is in fact, a self-care detail that says that your face is as important as the dishes that must be washed everyday. Stop wearing baggy old clothes to bed. Put on something comfortable and pretty. Fluff the pillows, light a candle, read, write. These are just a few of the details you can incorporate to make bedtime just a little more special.

Have you been rushing in a busy daze of sameness from day to day with its attendant obligations? Consider what kinds of details you can infuse in the commonplace activities in your life. After all, the best quality of life, is all in the details.

How to stop wearing your mask

A room decorated in an African theme, got me thinking about masks. Not literal masks mind you, but the more subtle, psychological masks we wear. Then I came across this poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes—

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

It sure captures the reality of the issue, doesn’t it?

I believe that everyone wears a mask at some time or another and they do so for various reasons. Some don masks for devious purposes and leave their victims to fight their way out of the aftermath. Others wear masks for much more complex personal reasons.

Our reasons may include lack of confidence, self-preservation, and the need for acceptance. However, these reasons are often fueled by fear, guilt, confusion about who we really are and a true or false sense of some inadequacy.

Hiding behind the masks we wear, not only prevents others from knowing who we are, but sadly over time, we ourselves begin to lose touch with who we are. Eventually we assimilate the role we play with our masks on. We slip into a life of pretense that camouflages what is real about us, our ideals and our dreams.

Who wants to live a life of pretense? Do you? Wouldn’t it be far more liberating and joyful to live honestly?

I’ve worn masks. My lack of self-confidence dictated that I wear a self-assured mask even though I was falling to pieces on the inside. Years of fearing ridicule and rejection helped me to craft a mask that portrayed me as a person who was brave, a risk-taker, who was not fazed by negative responses to her ideas and opinions. The upright and confident stride people saw was not me. Inside, I was slouching, feeling dejected, tired, afraid and overwhelmed. I only realized that I was wearing mask when someone commented on my “obvious” confidence.

That was a turning point for me. A defining moment if you will. The questions raged, “Who am I really?” “Do I want to be the person other people see?” “How do I move from this place of insecurity, fear and confusion, to where I would like to be, without compromising who I really am?” “Could I learn to not buckle under the negativity that people might spew at me?

Is it possible to pursue and live my dreams without apology?”

God who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, (Ephesians 3:20a) guided me through the maze of questions. Then He led me through to the other side, free of my fears and without the masks. Now, I walk confident in the knowledge that God made me what and who I am. And, on that basis I am free to be myself without fear and without apology. When you see me walking upright and confident, know that I am leaning on Him and He is supporting me.

What about you? What masks do you wear? Under what circumstances do you pull them out and put them on? More importantly, why do you wear them? Are you willing to learn the truth that lurks behind your masks? Are you ready to deal with them so that you can be your true self, confident and brave?

Then,

Straighten out your spiritual beliefs.

Who you are, what you do and want to do must have its foundation in your spiritual beliefs to survive in the world. Everything falls apart when your life is not aligned with your beliefs. If you have lost your way, ask God to find you and lead you back home. There you will find your true identity and discover your purpose as you hold the truths of your faith as your beacon in every situation.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in your faith; be men (women) of courage; be strong.”

~ 1 Corinthians 16:13.

Strive for authenticity in every area your life.

One of the realities of life is that people’s opinion of you will not always be positive. That is never a reason to misrepresent yourself at home or at work. Let everyone else say, believe and do as they please. You might feel like a tiny rowboat on the sea of life. The grand ocean liners may even rock your little boat as they pass by, close, towering and loud. Nevertheless, maintain your hold on being authentic in every circumstance even when others try to intimidate or entice you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

You may find this a daunting exercise, as I did. But hiding behind a mask is no way to live. Is it? Discard your masks, imbibe your mind with your beliefs and clothe your life with the practice of authenticity.

5 Ways to be happy today

“Happiness is not a point of arrival. Happiness is the way. “ ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Is this you?

“I’ll be happy when I get married.”

“When I clear my credit card bill, then I’ll be happy.”

“Happiness is owning my own home.”

“I will never be happy as long as that person is working in my department.”

Are you putting off your happiness waiting for a particular thing, person or situation? If “I’ll be happy when…” precedes your thoughts and conversations about your life, you’re living in the future and not in the present. You are depriving yourself of the happiness that is around you, today.

You don’t have to wait for any one acquisition, event or person to be happy. Besides, none of these things or any other you can imagine comes with that guarantee. Tomorrow’s happiness is for tomorrow. You should be happy today.

The media bombards us with the message that this or that product will make us look years younger, live pain-free and slim. They entice us with places to find the perfect mate and schemes to get-rich-quick. I suppose that is their prerogative. The sad part is that we buy into the hoopla. We lap up the fallacy and lose ourselves in the fantasy that something or someone is going to make us happy – a new job, more money, a better relationship, a baby or a home.

And so, we wait.

It is normal to want to improve our lives. Still, postponing our happiness until we achieve the changes we want, makes for a life of frustrated impatience. Even worse, is that sometimes, the further along we go, the further away the happiness moves. Happiness can be illusive when we link it to a particular future goal. More importantly, when we keep our eyes peeled on the horizon, often, we miss the happiness imbedded in every day.

Here are four ways to be happy while you wait for the ultimate acquisition, the love of your life or the ideal circumstance?

Adjust your attitude

A disgruntled and complaining attitude is one sure way to deprive yourself of the smallest measure of happiness every day. You could be bypassing happy moments when every thought in your mind and every word you speak is a stark portrayal of your bad attitude towards people you live and work with and encounter during your day.

Your actions can sometimes generate a change in attitude. Small gestures of kindness, compassion and courtesy, for example, go a long way in creating a more pleasant attitude, which in turn fosters a countenance.

Dismantle self-imposed barriers

You might be your own worse enemy, if you have erected barriers to protect yourself, but instead, they have now become barricades that keep happiness at bay.

Self-imposed stumbling blocks are sometimes more difficult to dismantle and remove. But just as a construction worker will hammer at a wall until it crumbles, so too, you must keep pounding on the barriers in your life. Once they shatter, the way will be clear for you to seek out and embrace the happiness that’s just on the other side.

Count your blessings

When we focus on what is lacking in your life, it is easy to believe that we “have it hard” and our happiness lies somewhere in the distant future. A regular practice of counting our blessings generates feelings of gratitude, happiness and a brighter, more positive outlook on life despite its troubles.

Have you taken for granted the many blessings God has bestowed on you? Are they so commonplace now that you no longer recognize them or give Him thanks for them? It’s time, once again to revisit your blessings and experience how they engender a new perspective on being happy every day.

Learn to be content.

The desire for more, faster, and bigger raises our level of satisfaction, and leaves us discontent with our lives as it is today. Acknowledging and being thankful for what we have sets the stage for our hearts to be content.

Do you see your glass as half-full or half-empty? Re-examine your life and your possessions. Don’t you have reasons to be content? Aren’t there people who are living and happy with far less than you have? Shift your focus away from what you don’t have and be content for all that is already in your life and helping you to function at a comfortable level.

Recognize today that this and that thing, person or situation makes it possible for you to live, work and enjoy some leisurely pursuits. Despite the negativity that may be raging around you, you can learn to be content.

Get involved

We waste our time, energy and God-given talents when we stand on the sidelines waiting for something to come along with happiness in tow. It is tantamount to a slap in God’s face.

Use your time, your energy and the talents He has given you to share, give and love wholeheartedly.

Welcome opportunities to make a positive impact in someone’s life. You can derive deep satisfaction and experience profound joy when you get involved in church and community activities.

Each day has its own troubles and challenges but it also brings with it reasons and opportunities to be happy. Happiness doesn’t reside at some distant address, but rather it travels with you as you meander your way through life. You can find it in the journey itself.

Defining Moments

We can usually trace many of life’s defining moments to a big decision. Yet, even a small insignificant choice can spark a major defining moment for us. The moment the choice is made, the wheels are set in motion and our lives begin to change.

Sometimes a defining moment is that instant when we get it, everything falls into place and we know that life as we know it will never be the same. Other times, we are oblivious to the effects of a capricious decision. Then it may be days, weeks, months and even years, before we can trace the path back to the precise moment when an inconsequential choice made a difference and altered the course of our lives.

You could probably link a particular defining moment to a time when you were younger and not sure about yourself, your feelings or your dreams. It was the catalyst that defined you and moved you to make the choices you’ve made since then. Or your defining moment was fairly recent. You’re in the early stages of the aftermath. The feelings are still poignant and it may take a while for you to work out where you go from there and feel comfortable with the changes to come.

Defining moments, or “Ah Ha!” moments, as Oprah has termed them, can make us or break us. Some of them confirm long-held beliefs, show us a clear way to follow our dreams or validate a position we might have held about certain people and circumstances. Other defining moments may force us to postpone or even abandon dreams, sever relationships or alter an establish lifestyle.

Frequently someone else’s choice results in our defining moment. They make their decision and we are forced to make our own in response. And therein, lies our defining moment. Regardless who or what triggers the chain of events, we can still look at our defining moments and the outcomes as opportunities to get on with the business of living our lives as fully as possible.

We live multi-faceted lives. Here are four areas where defining moments can have a dramatic impact.

Spiritual beliefs

Nothing impacts our lives as our spiritual beliefs. They begin on the inside and work their way outward, from the heart. If they don’t, we need to question their veracity as well as our commitment to them.

The defining moment comes when we grasp what we truly believe and it envelops every fibre of our being. When our spiritual beliefs radiate in our thoughts, our words and our actions, we know we have faced a life-changing defining moment.

Individuality

There is a great deal of pressure today to conform. However, those very pressures sometimes force us to make crucial choices. And that defining moment makes all the difference to our perception, understanding and acceptance of who we really are.

To accept who we are as individuals and to be comfortable with our unique personalities is one of life’s most liberating moments. It ranks right up there with the best of the “Ah Ha!’ moments we’ll ever have.

Relationships

Relationships are faulty, if we function on the basis of unclear and false perceptions of each other’s feelings and motivations. The happiest and most rewarding relationships are those in which each person is free to be him or her self, to be honest, and to disagree without animosity or reprisal.

Far too often, it takes a major emotional upheaval, accompanied by hurtful words and accusations before we encounter a defining moment that could heal the relationship or clear the way for us to walk away.

Career

More and more I hear people lament the chasm between what they do for a living and what they would love to do for their life. They express a deep desire to feel a heart connection to a career that not only puts food on their table but a song in their hearts. I know what they are saying. I’ve been there.

However, until you can make the transition to something else, it is possible to find the fulfilment you seek in your current job and hear your heart sing every day.

It begins with an attitude of gratitude, the practice of going the extra mile and doing your assigned work as unto God. It is your required response to the blessing that it is.

It may take a defining moment to bring you to the point where you decide that you will “shine” where you are, even as you hold fast to your dream. You work diligently, until the doors of opportunity swing open unto the career that fits your personality, your skills and your talents. That defining moment is the beginning of a whole new mindset that will make it easier to walk the path that is necessary today, until you arrive at the path you desire tomorrow.

Defining moments are often tainted by negativity. But if we dwell on them we will miss the positives, the opportunities, the possibilities. Furthermore, when we get bogged down with the daily grind of life, we lose focus and forget our motivations. Recalling our defining moments can put the spark back into our dull existence and turn it into living again.

Revisit your defining moments. What choice or choices defined or redefined you, your religious beliefs, your relationships, your career or some other area of your life?