Ode to Solitude

What a commentary on civilization, when being alone is being suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it – like a secret vice. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh That quote summarizes my life to a large degree. After 52+ years, it still amazes me how people can still be puzzled, suspicious and critical of how comfortable I am with solitude. Call it what you may, but please, allow me my right to seek and enjoy the benefits of solitude. What are your thoughts on solitude? Does it convey negative visions of loneliness and isolation? That’s understandable. We are social beings and we derive a large portion of our happiness from our connections to and relationships with others. Plus we are accustomed to the constant physical and verbal activity that surrounds us. Still, the need for occasional periods of solitude is just as vital to our mental and emotional welfare. Let’s consider some of the areas in our lives where solitude can have a profound effect and bestow her priceless benefits. Solitude and spirituality. The Bible tells of leaders in the Old Testament, like Moses, who often pulled themselves away from their families and other companions to talk to and hear God. In the New Testament, it was Jesus’ habit to withdraw from the company of his disciples for private sessions with God the Father. Many people have testified that they felt God’s presence, heard his voice and sensed His guiding hand in their moments of solitude. Solitude draws us in and ushers us into the portal through which, we seek and commune with God, through prayer and meditation. Don’t you sometimes feel the need for this practice in your life? Don’t resist it. Solitude and creativity. Researchers, psychologist and persons of almost every creative persuasion, can attest to the benefits of solitude. Sometimes, in solitary moments inspired ideas surface to reveal how they can be merged with old, new or emerging skills. Or they appear as innovative sparks to prompt us to try something we have been avoiding. We can make use of solitude’s gentle probing to develop our creative inclinations or delve into a new adventure. Solitude and you. It’s where we can ask, “Who am I?” Can we really lie to ourselves about who we are? In solitude, there are no caves or walls to hide from ourselves. In our solitary moments, we can identify the person who lives in our skin and walks in our clothes. Solitude sequesters us from the pressures to conform and compromise. It helps us to understand who we are thus explaining the reasons and rational for our emotions, individual tendencies and preferences. It creates the atmosphere for heartfelt reflection, acceptance, forgiveness and the resolve to be true to ourselves. Solitude and rest. It’s wise and healthy to set aside our compulsion to get everything done at the expense of our sanity and our health. Stealing away for a few moments of solitude will restore our energy as we give our bodies the rest it deserves. Additionally, solitude will provide the much-needed break from the presence and chatter of others. When our pace slows or stops completely, solitude helps our minds to adopt the same pace and our mental functions improve. Overall, we will emerge from our time of solitude physically rested and mentally refreshed. Solitude and life. Solitude quiets the noise of our normal exist and allows us to hear our true thoughts, and feel our most intimate and genuine feelings. It opens our minds to find solutions to our life puzzles and to consider possibilities previously silenced by the humdrum and clatter of our normal routines. Solitude very often, holds in her hands, and in the folds of her cocooning garments, the inspiration for change in various areas of our lives. If we adopt the practice of regular periods of solitude, we will no doubt notice a slower, more thoughtful and positive response to the road bumps in our lives. All through history men have sought after and practiced seasons of solitude. And for just as long, others have ridiculed them for it. For that reason, quotes on solitude litter the literary world online and in print. I share some of my favourites below. * “The soul’s best friend.” ~ Charles Cotton * “Often the best society.” ~ William G. Benham * “We hear voices in solitude, we never hear in the hurry and turmoil of life; we receive counsels and comforts, we get under no other condition.”~ Amelia E. Barr * “We live in a very tense society. We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude.” ~ Helen Hayes * “It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.” ~ K.T. Jong * “We visit others as a matter of social obligation. How long has it been since we have visited with ourselves?” ~ Morris Adler * “Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.” ~ Marcus Aurelius * “When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death – ourselves.” ~Eda LeShan

 

Write your way through any storm

This could be the year that you’ll sail on calm seas and reel in the best that life has to offer. For some of us though, turbulence maybe waiting just beyond today’s calm waters. For some of us, our worlds will explode and everything we hold dear will fall in fragments around us.  It’s easy then to let the emotional devastation overwhelm us and cause us to lose our sense of direction and sink into the dark, murky waters of despair.

Journaling is an easy and effective way to deal with the pounding waves and battering winds. It can help us to understand the storm’s true impact on our lives and to regain the will, power and strength to gather the shattered pieces, apply the appropriate glue to mend them and move on with the business of living.

Certain events can easily throw us overboard, disrupt our normal lives, shatter our emotions and leave us struggling and sinking out at sea. Periodically we surface just long enough to see that we have drifted far from the familiar shores of our lives and have instead settled into a strange treading pattern, breathless and disoriented. Parents often insist that they have to stay strong and survive for their children. But we have to survive for our own sakes as well.

Here are two things to keep in mind as you consider using a journal to stay afloat in the ocean of your crisis. 

Start early.

As early as possible after the storm hits, reach for your journal or any notebook and start writing. Forget eloquence, flawless prose, accurate sentence structure and precise grammar. Instead, focus on writing out your disappointment, your pain, your anger etc. But don’t let your preconceived ideas or my advice hem you into writing certain things and in a particular way. Write your way, whatever it may be; individual words, stream of thoughts like a prayer, a letter to the person who has hurt you, or to someone who might be going through the same torment.

Visualize land.

As in most instances in life, you’ll want to keep your eyes peeled on the horizon — the life to which you hope to return or your dream destination. In the grand scheme of things, it might only be a hazy strip in the far distance but keep paddling by writing as often as possible. Journaling provides a way to ground yourself, at least for little snatches of time. It is a safe, private haven where you pour out your confusion and sorrow and still maintain the composure and grace to carry out your daily functions.

When our hearts are broken, seemingly beyond repair and the pain feels so real, we clutch whatever we can to keep ourselves afloat. Reaching for your journal is far better than launching an attack or “spilling the beans” inappropriately.

The record you keep now for your sanity can one day be the catalyst for initiating a positive turnaround for you or for someone else going through his or her own crisis. Library shelves and the Internet are loaded with stories written by survivors of some of life’s most devastating incidents and many of them started with journal entries as memory aids and therapy. And they provide a clear record of their struggles, hopes, deliverance and triumphs. 

Your circumstances are no less worthy of pen and paper. The account of your turmoil and how you survived will live on in your journal long after the event and serve as a reference for lighting the way for you in some other unfortunate situation or furnish you with just the right words to comfort and encourage someone else.

Keeping a journal helped me to brave the fear of my deepest feelings, bring them to the fore and engage with them to understand my reactions to the storms in my life. The practice also taught me how to gain a different perspective on life’s events based on my spiritual beliefs.

Only when I forced myself to reread my journals did I discover how a particular period of my life appeared to me. My written record read like the delirious mumblings of someone in the throes of an insane fever. The handwriting was almost illegible. But the pain, was so evident right there in black and white, sprawled across the pages. Naturally it evoked some red hot tears of remembrance. But between the lines, in the midst of the obvious anguish, it was evident that I was hopeful when despair and mental exhaustion diluted my emotions.

As a writer, I have found value in my journal not only for myself. But I hope, words of comfort, advice and encouragement that will help turn today’s victims into tomorrow’s survivors. Often I unearth something that strikes at the core of a topic I am researching or the pain I hear in someone’s voice or see in their eyes. That something, that experience, that truth, my truth inspires me to look at life, my life from a different perspective and provides me with globs of soothing balm to help ease someone else’s pain, clarify their confusion and revive their hope.

When you find yourself sinking in the current of an agonizing, confusing time of your life, take your journal and write your pain, grief, loss and prayers of hope in it. The practice will help you brave the storm and reach land once more.

What does your home say about you

Did you know that your home speaks? Well it does, and it speaks volumes, about you. Your personality, attitudes, opinions and dreams are manifested in the way you decorate your home. Consequently, the sum total of who you are is broadcast to all who walk through your door.

However, your home can also tell lies about you. Let us say for instance, you are most at-home and at your best and true self in a space that reeks of a very casual and homey style. Yet your home says to visitors that they must take off their shoes at the front door, walk carefully, sit up straight, see, but don’t touch.

Likewise, a disorganized and cluttered home could be giving the wrong impression about you, as a woman who is very methodical, controlled and thrives best in a clean, structured and well-ordered environment.

If your home is sending the wrong messages about you, it is time to set the record straight so that it reflects your personality, your lifestyle and even your dreams.

Your home should never speak of the lifestyles of other people, nor should it shout the latest design trends just so that you can be the envy of your friends. It should radiate with the kind of mood you’re most comfortable with and the possessions that make you smile. When visitors come to your home, they should be greeted with the essence of the person or persons who live within its walls.

Never one to follow the crowd, my home shouts that loud and clear. I can appreciate all the new and trendy design ideas I see on HGTV, in magazines and at the mall, but my heart belongs to a country/cottage style.

Nothing makes my heart sing like the look of a country cottage complete with wood, wrought iron, rattan, beautiful natural fabrics and lots of baskets.

My growing collection of teapots is evident as they sit on top of my kitchen cabinets. My fascination with aprons amuses my friends. They hang from picture hooks attached to a door. Baskets, another staple, serve decorative and functional purposes in every room.

My favorite colors, green, terracotta, mustard, orange, red and rust, punctuate rather than dominate my home’s decor. My home is certainly not dressed to impress, but to provide a soothing, tranquil and relaxed atmosphere for my lifestyle, to encourage quiet time, reflection, and intimate conversation, and to inspire creativity.

What about your home? Does it reflect your own personal tastes and showcases what is most important to you? Does your home’s design and decor cater to and portray all that you are, love, have and dream?

Despite what trends are driving other homeowners, design and decorate your home with freedom and passion. Outfit it with the furnishings you like and that accommodate your lifestyle needs. Fill it with the treasures you love, and infuse the atmosphere that nurtures your soul and soothes your senses at the end of the day, after the world is done with you.

Whatever your home says about you, make sure it speaks the unbridled truth.

Savoring simple pleasures

Our days are busy and our lives are filled with responsibilities and other concerns. These are reasons enough to seek out and savor simple pleasures.

What are simple pleasures? Well, they are those things, times, activities and conventional or quirky practices that we often overlook or deny ourselves because we are too busy making a living and honoring commitments to enjoy them. Are you one of those people who complain that you don’t have the time, money or some other resource to devote to such things?

There is nothing wrong with occasionally treating ourselves to an extravagant gift or a long well-deserved time-off or vacation. However, most enjoyable pleasures don’t require long stretches of time. Nor do they depend on bulging wallets, well-designed spaces, trendy clothes etc. Most often, you can find them in everyday, inconsequential and impromptu moments. They lurk in between the recurring run of our daily routines. They turn up in the predictable and unplanned encounters in familiar and unlikely places. I believe that God uses simple pleasures to ease our troubles, calm our minds and soothe our souls.

I have learned the importance and experienced the benefits of seeking out simple pleasures. They force me to slow the pace in the rush of my days and count my blessings. They allow me to cradle a few minutes to indulge my passion for writing by scribbling a thought or inspiring idea in my ever-handy notebook. Even more important, my life is enriched whenever I take the time to savor my simple pleasures because they help me to focus more on God and His goodness and less on what I may think is lacking in my life.

In silence and solitude, I find and savor my simple pleasures. There I can observe and meditate on the rhythmic ebb and flow of life and find inspiration for writing.

The rush and reality of the busyness of modern-day life can blind us to the beauty that shines through the ugly, deafen us to the voices in our own hearts and weaken our ability and desire to seek and embrace life’s simple pleasures. Simple pleasures ease your personal burdens and the anguish you might be feeling about some situation. What simple pleasure makes you pause? What places, memories and practices make you relax and smile and make your heart sing and dance?

It’s so very easy to let some of life’s basic simple pleasures slip by and out of our lives while we hustle to and fro getting this and that done. But it is just as easy to rediscover them either through the quiet contemplation of the present moment or a blissful memory from our past.

Simple pleasures surround us on our walk through life. You don’t have to readjust your whole life, disrupt anyone else’s routine or take a day off from work. A simple pleasure may be close by or just a memory away. Find yours, weave them among your commitments and savor them every chance you get, even if just for a moment.

 

5 techniques to manage your time

“He who every morning plans the transaction of the day and follows out the plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life.“

~ Victor Hugo (1802 ~ 1885)

 

If I asked you what is most lacking in your days, would your answer be time? Would you say that there just don’t seem to be enough time in the day or in any week, to do the things you want to or should do? But time hasn’t decreased, has it? It has remained constant – the same twenty-four hours in every day. Mankind has learnt to harness and manage many things over the centuries. Yet, we have not mastered the management of time.

Is it really that difficult? You can learn to manage your time more efficiently by learning how to manage the tasks that make up our days. And therein is the secret. Actually, it is not a secret at all. So today, we’ll look at tried and tested ways to use our God-given time.

Chances are that in any one day, there will be routine tasks that you do. The left over time is usually filled by occasional duties like weekly or monthly commitments. The drudgery of some of these daily chores often renders us robotic in our movements and we just go through them in a daze without a plan, a thought or an eye to efficiency. We just want to get them done. However, those unavoidable routine tasks can be managed in a way to make them less burdensome and time-consuming.

Schedule time limits.

Schedule routine household and personal tasks just as you would work-related ones. Use a notebook, diary or appointment book. This practice will block the amount of time you devote to a particular activity. When the time is up for each task simply stop and move on to the next. 

For this to work though, you must have a fairly accurate idea of how long tasks will take to complete.

Stay organized.

The whole system will go haywire if every activity is preceded by half an hour spent hunting down the necessary materials and tools. That is a waste of time.

Ideally, tools and supplies for a particular task should be stored close to the activity centre. Most of us attest to less-than-adequate storage in our homes, but that’s no excuse for having things scattered, cluttered and missing when we need them.

Use whatever storage you have available or improvise. It is not uncommon for people to store supplies and tools in the most unlikely places in their homes – under the kitchen sink, in the garage, on upper shelves in closets, in cardboard boxes and baskets stacked as side table or coffee table and in bags hung on a door or in containers under the bed.

Whatever method you choose, keep your stuff organized and easily accessible.

Delegate.

It’s a common thing to see one person undertaking all the household tasks while the rest of the household relaxes. Once this practice becomes ingrained it is very difficult if not impossible to reverse.

“Every man jack,” (my father’s expression), should pitch in and help. And it is up to the head of the home to inculcate that policy early or he or she might come across as a tyrant later on.

Initially, delegate only those tasks that you believe someone else can handle to your satisfaction. It makes no sense passing off a chore that you will have to return and complete yourself. Once others in the household have proven their ability and more importantly their willingness to complete tasks you assign to them, you could delegate additional or more difficult ones.  

Multitask.

Despite its pitfalls, I think multitasking is here to stay. To minimize the frustrations that come with multitasking, only multitask as far as it is comfortable to do so. Maybe we should aim to “double-task” instead. Are you one of those people who insist that you can concentrate on only one thing at a time? Try combining a task that requires motor skills with one that necessitates mental skills.

For example, fold laundry while talking on the telephone. Use an ear-piece attached to your cell phone so that your hands are free to load the washer, wash dishes or sweep the floor. Pay all you bills on the same day, use a one-stop shop bill payment service, or set up a Standing Order with your bank. 

When waiting for your children while they take lessons, practice and play sports, or attend rehearsals, instead of fretting, catch up on calls to your parents or friends, write letters, or lose yourself in a portable hobby like, crochet, writing, drawing etc.

Do things right the first time.

A major time-eater and time-waster is having to re-do tasks that you didn’t take the time to do right in the first place. This usually happens when you have too much on your plate, you fear saying “No” or you did not allocate sufficient time for efficiency.

If you tend to move slowly, and nothing is wrong with that, it might be best to focus your attention on one task, how ever long it takes. Do it well and completely.

Learning to manage your time is not a done deal but an ongoing process of learning to balance your responsibilities. If you start today, you can get a good handle on maximizing the twenty-four hours in your day. 

Banish mediocrity

“Some men throw their gifts away on a life of mediocrity, great men throw everything they have into their gifts and achieve a life of success.”

~ Greg Werner

 

Are you satisfied with just getting by with the minimum of effort? But where is the deep-down heart-swelling satisfaction in that?  Mediocrity is a life-stifling mindset that affects both the young and the old.

We can only be successful if we rid ourselves of the tendency to perform at a mediocre level in all areas of our lives. It is only when we push ourselves and give our best can we appreciate our achievements and enjoy the benefits they bring.

Success in life depends on the self-discipline that comes from approaching any project with enthusiasm and an eye towards success. Naturally, if we start from a standpoint of half- hearted interest, we will make only mediocre efforts and can expect mediocre results or failure. 

If we say that we want to succeed in life we must be willing to do not just some of the work, but all of it. We must be willing to push ourselves that little bit further, run or swim one more lap, read one more book for your research, add that second row of stitches to strengthen the seam, etc.

Most times, we start out with the best of intentions. We shoot out of the starting gate and head down the straight. But many of us falter at the first hurdle. When the journey becomes arduous we surrender to the pressure, run out of steam and stumble half-heartedly to the finish line content with second or third place or just to make the “also ran” list. Even worse, some of us pull up short, give up and crumble on the sidelines while everyone else continues to the end.

Often it is in hindsight we acknowledge that with a little extra push, a pause to catch our breaths and a final sprint down the home stretch, we could have shot through the finish line and earned the prize, our goal, our dream.

Of course the people who are successful don’t just rely on pushing themselves. They have a strategy and are willing to be flexible because they know  hurdles litter the runway. We have to be able to adapt to these unexpected happenings when they occur and not get bogged down. We have to take them in our stride, skip around them and continue in the race.

Use these strategies to help you banish mediocrity, develop and infuse the dogged stick-to-itiveness that separates the successful from the unsuccessful.

Don’t give less than your best.

Regardless of the size of any project or goal, put your all into seeing it through successfully. Even when you think you are giving it your best shot, pause and ask yourself, “Could I improve?”

There is no way to avoid obstacles. But being flexible and willing to brainstorm and breakthrough blockages will help to throw off the cloak of mediocrity or at least keep it at bay.

Don’t follow the crowd.

Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves trapped in the claws of mediocrity because we are afraid to be different. Are you so petrified of standing up and being true to yourself or your beliefs that you play the chameleon, mingling and adopting the look and practices of those around you? 

Maybe you don’t dare to be different because you are trying to meet other people’s expectations. But living someone else’s life is a wrong way, a sad way to live yours. Why should you miss out on the opportunity to live a better, more fulfilling and successful life because of what other people say? Don’t be bound by other people’s rules. In fact, let your convictions guide you to write your own. 

Don’t ignore your dream.

Having a dream sets you apart. If you don’t you are running on the steam of mediocrity. Maybe you haven’t heard the voice of your dream because you’re too busy to sit still and listen or too afraid of what you might hear. This is the right time to heed that voice.

If however, you have found your dream, don’t sit on it. Doing what matters to you is a sure way to excellence since you will do it with all your might. But you need courage to follow your heart. Do you have it? If not, search for it. Pray for it. If you are convinced that God is sanctioned your dream, then surely He will give you the courage to pursue it. Then do so passionately even in the face of doubt, ridicule and inevitable obstacles.  

Don’t play it safe.  

Choosing the safe and easy way to accomplish anything is a copout. It speaks of laziness, fear and yes, mediocrity. Surely you don’t want to be a member of the ‘I regret…” crowd. Work and live in a way that whatever the outcome, you could be proud of the fact that you took the risks, did the work and gave it your best shot.  

Life is too precious to be lived in mediocrity and more of us can succeed and excel in school, at work and in life if we beef up our resolve and rid ourselves of the mediocre mindset. If you suspect that you are swirling in the midst of a mediocre life current, adopt these strategies to help change your mindset and steer you to achieve excellence in all areas of your life.

 

How to finish what you start

Setting goals and writing them are great organizing tools. But that alone will get you nowhere if you don’t get busy taking the crucial steps that will propel you towards the targets on which you’ve set your sights. You have to finish what you start. That is what determines your success.

The measure of a goal or dream is not how simple or grand it is or how easily you can articulate its minute details. Rather, the true satisfaction, beauty and joy of your dream is found in the often slow but steady pace at which you work your way towards the finish line.

You’ve taken that all-important first step. You’ve tossed the ball. Now here’s some advice to ensure that you finish what you start.    

Create momentum.

This is simple and easy. Take systematic small steps, at least one every day, every week or even just once per month. That’s not hard if you have a list of the actions you need to take to achieve your goals. All you need to do is keep taking consistent and effective small steps in a systematic way.

Try this. Glue a photo of yourself onto a picture that depicts the fulfillment of your goal. Tack it up where you will see it every day. Carry a copy of it in your bag or keep a copy in your desk at work. Each morning, each evening or all day you can look at the picture and be motivated to keep plugging away even when it’s difficult.  

Today is the 13^th you should have already taken at least one step, done one thing, even a small thing to move you along the path to your goal. Have you?

Resist procrastination.

Many motivational gurus tell us that 80% of people fail to achieve what they want in their lives mainly because of procrastination. They know what they need to do in order to achieve their goals, but they procrastinate and do not take action.

This is the greatest enemy against my writing goals. But I’ve discovered that when I plant myself in my chair, ignore my inner critic, dispel distractions and do what I need to do, the temptation to set the writing aside, grows weak.

This could be a lifelong battle but you can develop strategies to fight this nemesis. You may never defeat it utterly but you can have success in the moments when you need it most.

Just ploughing through the urge to stop, reading inspirational quotes, praying and talking with your most ardent supporter are some of the ways you can combat procrastination.

Monitor your progress.
Life changes every day and staying focused on what you need to do to get where you want to go may necessitate a willingness to shift gears slightly or drastically to accommodate life’s unexpected twists. But to achieve success in your endeavors, you will need to devise strategies to cope with the unexpected without missing a beat. Or, even take a break to manage disquieting circumstances and then pickling up where you left off. That shouldn’t frighten you. It may detain you – have patience. It may derail you –get back on track or build a new roadway if necessary.  

As you do new things and take more action, it becomes very important to check your progress and make sure you are heading in the right direction. Take your queue from airline pilots. They constantly check their schedule and direction. For they know that a one degree deviation in their course can result in being miles away from their destination.

When you check your progress on a regular basis, you develop a habit that will keep you motivated and focused. Without doing regular check-ups you could easily loose sight of your goal, get side-tracked and forget where you are supposed to be headed.

This is how you do a check up.

1. Every day read your written goals silently or out loud several times. Make them an integral part of your daily routine. Don’t give yourself a chance to forget. Don’t leave them to fade into the background. 

2. Note your activity level. Is your momentum slowing down? Are you stuck? What obstacles are preventing you from moving forward? What unexpected life event (an injury, pregnancy, job change, or death in the family) has occurred and threatens to stall your progress?

3. Analyze, dissect and manage your stumbling blocks. Seek advice, garner support, adjust your modus operandi. Do whatever it takes to help you to get back and stay on track.

4. How is your physical and spiritual health? Keep bolstering your spiritual immunity with prayer and trust in God. Make sure that you are physically fit. Eat healthy meals. Get sufficient sleep. Factor exercise into your schedule.

Many people only set their goals and they forget about them few days later. I don’t want this to happen to you. Therefore, remember to create your momentum, find your rhythm and ease into the groove that’s most comfortable for you. Shake off the hold procrastination has on you and monitor your progress with regular check-ups.

There is a long stretch ahead of you but you have to finish what you start.